i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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