I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
