My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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