Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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