he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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