hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
