He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
