i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
