Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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