i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
