Having a random hookup so left but love u
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
