are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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