Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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