I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
