I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
