What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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