so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
