The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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