Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
