I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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