Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
whose parrot is this?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
