today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
