chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they need to just BURY HIM!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
