okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
