u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
