Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
