I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
