you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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