Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
