I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
