when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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