I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
