OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
