lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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