Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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