I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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