dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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