whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Randomize
