he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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