Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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