Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got inside last night via doggy door
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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