we're blogging at a bar
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
