Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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