i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
