I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
