i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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