Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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