i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
