if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The maid of honor just puked.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
