It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
