i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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