my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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